once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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