you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
