dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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