i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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