New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize