i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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