you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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