you guys were way drunker than both of me
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
