I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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