I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
