You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
