I just saw a hot homeless man
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
