Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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