Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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