Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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