I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
