I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
