so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
