I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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