Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
