so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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