dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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