chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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