i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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