i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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