We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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