im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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