I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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