I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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