Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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