You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
