I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
