Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
