Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
