the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
