she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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