u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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