Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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