are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
be right there i have to get my cape
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
