Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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