Having a random hookup so left but love u
she was so not down for the gang bang
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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