yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
