I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
