I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
