i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
