u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
