I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize