I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
