Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
