just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Every concussion has its silver lining
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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