Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize