i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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