Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
