I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize