Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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