omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
