Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
me + whiskey = a bad person
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
