Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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