You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
