True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
