just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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