please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize