Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
