Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
