The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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