UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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