i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
