why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
