Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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