I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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