This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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