i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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