it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
