Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
